Monday, November 29, 2010

The Lord showed me a few things tonight.

I have it so good, I cannot complain ever. ever ever. If I say I'm anything but blessed, I'm a fool and a liar.

It is NOT a sin to have a savings account, but it is useless if you do not use it and steward it well. It is an insult to God to not give money to those who need it, if it will otherwise sit in your bank account.

We just don't get it. As Christians. We just don't get it.
God is so much bigger.

Last night, as Hayden got back from Chapel, and was getting out of his car, a woman was standing, bawling her eyes out in our driveway screaming "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME." Hayden was out of gas, so he and I took my car to take here wherever she needed to go. She told us her name was Sharon, and she needed to get to Nathan Hunt Drive, off of Kivett and Brentwood. She was...hysterical. It was very, very difficult to decipher her speech. We offered prayer, kind words, and the Love of Jesus to her as we drove her around. We got to Nathan Hunt, and she said she didn't know where to go, and just wanted a cigarette. We took her to McDonald's when she said she was starving and bought her a couple meals worth of food, and then took her and bought her a motel room at the Travel Inn Express, just down the street from our house. We were able to pray with her again, as well speak the Truth and Love of Jesus Christ into her life, and leave her with a Bible, some change, some gift cards to Subway and Food Lion, and a place to sleep for the night. Hayden picked her up this morning from Travel Inn, and dropped her off at her Uncle's off Nathan Hunt in High Point.

Praying that seeds planted will come to fruition by the Grace of God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Total Depravity?

I've been really, really toying with the idea of total depravity lately, and sin affects us, how sinful we really are, and how much it affects. I say toying because honestly, I just....don't know. I know what total depravity is, and all other kinds of doctrine up and down. but I've never seeked God's face on it, or looked in His Word about it.

Well, tonight at Chapel. God gave me an....intense revelation. I asked God just how much sin has affected me, and how I respond to it as a result. He gave me an image very similar to this one. I immediately grabbed some paper and wrote down what He was telling me about sin, and its effect on me - and this is what I came up with.

-That's our body after sin, charred literally beyond belief by sin - beyond recognition by worldly standards. I wrote down and circled "grotesquely burnt"
-God revealed that this was sin's affect on ME. He created me to look....nothing like this. but as soon as sin hit - I was beyond recognition. I was literally covered from birth. This image was a physical manifestation of the sin that was my flesh.
-God told me this is NOT AT ALL how He created His children to look, not in the least. To look as we will in Heaven is....not even close to what this image resembles.
-I realized that...the Blood of Christ, is literally the only thing that would make me recognizable again.

We are...covered in sin from birth. and once saved, covered in blood from Christ.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

In the previous post, I quoted a Misty Edwards song that, after multiple listenings, seems to have some oddly sexual wordplay and imagery going on. There is one line in particular that any other time would have made me uncomfortable, but in light of the recent attacks I've been withstanding, it....resonated with me. In the best way possible.

"Lord, I will seek You
On my bed, think upon You
In the day, I'll dream of You
You're always on my mind"

As of late, I've been under some incredibly heavy spiritual attack with lust. I've defeated the physical aspect of it, by the Grace of God, however the enemy has continually been attacking my mind - in time spent on the computer, in everyday life, and especially in my dreams.
As I was driving home from Burlington tonight, this song came on my iPod - and it just...hit me so hard. I've felt somewhat defeated in being attacked in my dreams, as I've had dreams about...really, really sexual stuff. and I hate it. so much.

and that line just...makes so much sense. I had honestly felt an attack on the drive home when I got outside of Greensboro, so I put my iPod on my Misty Edwards playlist - and this song came on. And I'm convinced it was no accident.

"Though I'm weak and lowly
The Lord thinks about me
Though He's high and lofty
I'm always on His mind"

It's really, really easy to defeat temptation when you believe that. I promise.

Friday, November 19, 2010

How far will You let me go? How abandoned will You let me be?

I'm so, so tired from running all the time. and every time I stop to rest or take a break...God's right there. waiting. holding on. Always chasing - never tired, never relenting until He takes every last bit of me.

I don't want any bit of me for myself, and my flesh directly contradicts that desire.

Saturday, November 6, 2010


Ephesians 5:25

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"

I just wrote an 8-page paper that used literary and Biblical analysis to argue that Praying within the Trinity lays the foundation for sexual intimacy amongst humans, and lays the foundations for expressing love sexually.

I'll say this, regardless of whether my paper is right or wrong, we would have no clue how to love each, had Christ not first set the example of how to do so.