I have a lot a lot a lot I want to get out, and I've thought about it all day, and as soon as I sit down I just lose the urge. So strange.
I've been in a weird mood Spiritually for the majority of the past few weeks. God is definitely showing me a lot of things about Him, how He is, His Characteristics. Not only that, He's been showing me a lot of things causing conviction - every time I pass someone walking down the street and don't stop, I spend the rest of the day trying (and failing) to justify not stopping to see if I can help.
I felt so hard hearted tonight - I did not want to be around anyone at Austin's, and I'm honestly glad Reba pulled me aside to talk, because I really just didn't want to be around everyone. As strange as it sounds, I just didn't want to laugh and carry on and be in a good mood. It seems to me I'm going through another spell where God doesn't want me to rely on all my friends, but rather on Him, and what He's doing in me.
It hurts. And it sucks. And it's so hard. I swear, if the good is as extreme as the bad in this, the outcome is just going to be...out of this world amazing.
I left Chapel early to take Andrew home, and didn't want to go back, so I didn't. It was really nice to just plug in my iPod and catch up on my Andy Stanley podcasts, and just spend time....alone. Really, really nice.
I'm taking drastic measures to overcome this problem I've been having with lust, and if they don't work, I'm done with technology until this problem is solved.