Sunday, February 7, 2010

Surely, Surely we can change.

I've spent the last couple of days trying to really improve some glaring problems I've ignored throughout the majority of my life, and in doing so, realized just how terrible of a person I really am. I've always said I'm just a lousy bag of bones saved by Grace (which I am), but up until now I always thought in the back of my head "I'm not THAT bad..."

In attempting to really single out and turn over many of my really, really undesirable things in my life I have come to terms with how far I have fallen. I'm deceitful, jealous, malicious, vain, arrogant, bitter, unable to feel joy for others, selfish, manipulative, hard-hearted, and just all around...bad person, trying to parade around like I'm something special.

And it's such a beautiful, beautiful thing that God is able to do in this situation. As I struggle, and bounce back and forth between trying to purge myself of these undesirable intentions, I understand Grace better. The fact that God's Love is constantly beyond me is magnified beyond my wildest imaginations. I'm a terrible, terrible person - I am not the person I CONSCIOUSLY try to make myself out to be.

I spent last night in the Greensboro Coliseum with almost 24,000 people - the biggest family reunion I have ever attended. The atmosphere there was...amazing. I've never felt so Loved, and I've never felt the Holy Spirit so consistently, and intensely ever before - not because It wasn't there, but because I just wasn't looking/open/receptive to it.
Today, that changes.

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