Sunday, February 7, 2010

Surely, Surely we can change.

I've spent the last couple of days trying to really improve some glaring problems I've ignored throughout the majority of my life, and in doing so, realized just how terrible of a person I really am. I've always said I'm just a lousy bag of bones saved by Grace (which I am), but up until now I always thought in the back of my head "I'm not THAT bad..."

In attempting to really single out and turn over many of my really, really undesirable things in my life I have come to terms with how far I have fallen. I'm deceitful, jealous, malicious, vain, arrogant, bitter, unable to feel joy for others, selfish, manipulative, hard-hearted, and just all around...bad person, trying to parade around like I'm something special.

And it's such a beautiful, beautiful thing that God is able to do in this situation. As I struggle, and bounce back and forth between trying to purge myself of these undesirable intentions, I understand Grace better. The fact that God's Love is constantly beyond me is magnified beyond my wildest imaginations. I'm a terrible, terrible person - I am not the person I CONSCIOUSLY try to make myself out to be.

I spent last night in the Greensboro Coliseum with almost 24,000 people - the biggest family reunion I have ever attended. The atmosphere there was...amazing. I've never felt so Loved, and I've never felt the Holy Spirit so consistently, and intensely ever before - not because It wasn't there, but because I just wasn't looking/open/receptive to it.
Today, that changes.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

"Fault lines should be worn with pride."

As I get in from an awesome Wednesday night service at Trinity Baptist, and some even more awesome post-Church hang outs with new and old friends at Sheetz, I'm browsing all my social networking sites before settling down to finish my reading for Biology class tomorrow. If I'm in my room, I've always got my iTunes going, and an Incubus song just popped up, Talk Shows On Mute I believe.
As it's fading out, the second to last line says "Fault lines should be worn with pride." And forgive me for my being over-zealous, but I can see so many reasons why we, as Christians, should do just this!

We should be proud, because we serve a Loving, Caring, Forgiving God who fills in the fault lines (our imperfections) if we just ask Him. We should take pride in the fact that we are imperfect, because in those imperfections, the Glory and Strength of God is most obviously shown. It's not big secret, although some Christians would try to convince you otherwise, that even as Christians, we are any more perfect or better than non-believers. We're all dirty, we're all bad, we're all just lousy bags of bones. As Christians, we should be boasting in our imperfections! I fear I'm starting to repeat myself, but I can't stress enough how important this is - God is not glorified by us doing things ourselves. God is glorified when we realized how lousy we are, and give it up to Him to fix, and let His Perfection shine through in our inabilities and imperfections.

This especially speaks to me, because as much as I used to despise it, I have become the closed-off, guarded-heart Christian who only admits his imperfections when its convenient or unavoidable. While I admit and say I'm a lousy bag of bones, I still find myself consciously trying to...shy away from things I could say or do that would emphasize my imperfections.

Funny, as I type this, "The Message Is You," by Amen The Animal comes up on my iTunes, which only aids the point I made in the previous paragraphs - WE are the message of God's Love and Forgiveness to the world, and that makes it even more important to allow God's Perfection to show through our imperfections - because we are THE BEST WAY for others to see God, and find out His characteristics.

God is good. I am loved, and for no other reason that because of who God is, and what I owe Him, I am going to improve my fear of showing my fault lines.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Monday, February 1, 2010

What can I do with my obsession
With the things I cannot see
is there madness in my being
is it win that moves the trees
Sometimes you're further than the moon
Sometimes you're closer than my skin
And you surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

My heart burns for you
And my heart burns...for you

And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn, Lord, and
I'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than I know
And I feel lonely without Hope
And I feel desperate without Vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

You've said it all, Delirious.