Saturday, April 4, 2009

Kevan's Dare

Kevan dared me to blog without mentioning 2 things. I am going to try to do that.

I must say - rebounding is the suckiest thing in the world. I hate it so much and while it may be easy not to act on it, it is hard as crap to overcome just the simple feeling of rebounding. I have never been so frustrated with myself in my life. I really wish it wasn't so hard to hang out with a girl for no other reason than to enjoy her company as a friend. bahhh.

I really really wish I could just adopt Reba. Or switch places or lives or something with her. I don't understand why Reba, the nicest and best person I know, has one of the worst situations of anyone I know. It is really humbling for me to complain about anything at all, when I sit back and think about what she's going through. it's not my place to go into details, but oh my word. If there was ever a situation where I just wanted to snap my fingers and make all the problems go away, it's this one. Hayden...gosh. He is a TRUE big brother to her. I joke around and say that I'm the same way, but I see the way they interact and I'm so so so thankful that she has someone like Hayden to be there for her. Gosh. Hayden is such a blessing to her, and I'd do anything on this planet for either of them.

I'm in Boone right now. It's nice. It's tough as well, the drive up was tough because it gave ample time to just sit and think. Not the best thing for me right now. I've felt like knocking down a wall or two that I had built up since the beginning of March. I'm not sure if it's that I'm feeling led by God, or if it's just my emotions taking over.

I'm really worried because the gap that appeared in my life at the beginning of March was instantly filled with friends, Kevan, Shea, Reba, Becca and Katie. It's tough because...I only have a month before Shea moves to Alabama for good to pastor a church there. Kevan is going on an internship to Arkansas all summer...and if he gets the job he may not be moving back home. Becca will be gone all summer on an internship as well. We're not as close but it still sucks. Reba said she's not going anywhere specific this summer, so that's a comfort. It's just...I'm so torn. Do I spend as much time as I can with them and then hurt when they leave? Or guard myself?
I'll enjoy what I can. I'd rather be extremely happy and enjoy my friends' company while I can. To do anything else would be foolish.

Whew. Boone.

1 comment:

  1. Mom would probably adopt Reba. Just sayin'
    And I am super proud of you. Your big sister is not so nice about the people that hurt her baby brother, but you are a much bigger person than you think you are (or me)
    <3 ya!