Friday, April 10, 2009

Improvement

Where to begin, where to end.

Sara and I talked Sunday. It wasn't anything near what I expected - it was mostly me pouring my heart out, and getting a cold shoulder and generous helpings of disrespect. It's what I needed though - to finally realize I need to move on, and to realize I didn't do a daggum thing to deserve any of this.

I've been slowly getting better, but instead of the 2 steps forward, 1 step back formula I've been following since we broke up, I believe that 1 step backwards has been cut out for the most part, if not totally. That is a blessing.

God's been doing a lot in my life - He's kept me busy which is what I needed, even though I complain about not having any downtime. Totally worth it. He knows what He's doing - way better than I could ever think I do.

We're talking again - just as friends. Sara and I that is. I might not be 100% ready, but I feel God has prepared me enough.

I'm also finally learning how (or being taught?) to just be friends with a girl. To spend time with a girl and honestly just want to get to know her better as a person - without any agenda, without analyzing and picking them apart as a possible girlfriend. That is so nice. I still catch myself slipping every now and again and it disgusts me, but I'm getting better.

I spent all of Great Friday with Kevan, Reba Becca and everybody else in that circle of friends. Gosh. That was the best Great Friday I've ever had. Time literally flew by. From 3 PM until now has just...gosh where has the time gone. I'm thankful for them. A positive environment, positive people and just....goodness. God-given Blessings.

I feel like such a piece for neglecting my church family - I went out with the Spillmans after the Maundy Thursday service last night - it was great. I really need to become a bigger part of my church family and spend more time with those people.

I'm getting better by the second.

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