Sunday, June 12, 2011

Here is what The Lord is teaching me:

1)He works all things for my good - ACCORDING TO HIS TIME, NOT MINE.
Which means I have to rebuke and overcome my naturally controlling attitude and approach to things.

2)God's take on ANYTHING soundly and fully trumps my take on said situation. Meaning, if God and I don't agree on something, HE'S RIGHT. I'M WRONG.

3)A big part of coming to know God better is this:
You find yourself in awe of how wonderful and holy He is, and equally humbled by how lousy and terrible you are.

4)The dudes in BEACONS are something I take for granted way too often.



Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Aging anger brings me my knees.
My heart still hurts and I need forgiveness.
And is this all Your plan? Answer me.
My heart still hurts.

And I give you control.
This sleeper, has lost his way.
And I know that I'm wrong.
Like the rain, I'll fall.
And I give You control.

As I look to the horizon, with open arms.
I can hear Your words.
I'll stay by your side.

Answer me.
Break me down, bring me to my knees.
I wanna be nothing.
I'll sing if You want me to sing.
Sing praises before You my King.


And sing you a song.
And we'll walk together, hand in hand.

"Returning - Hands"

Pretty accurate portrayal of my walk with The Lord in the past month or two, and where He's brought me now - returning, to Him.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Sometimes, I get really sad, and really down, and really anti-social.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Learnings from my Papa

I try so, so, so hard to be a funny guy. I try so, so hard to always say the funniest, wittiest, cleverest thing I possibly can. I try my absolute darndest to avoid awkward situations or anything really at all costs. And as a result, I take very little, if anything, serious. To the point where after Worship, I try to find some way to crack some kind-of a joke to break the ice of the "post-worship awkwardness" that accompanies getting so intimately involved in something, and then suddenly going back to normal life. Frankly, it's awkward, and can be incredibly embarrassing.

And I can honestly say my Father is ready to bring an end to this in my heart.
So much conviction has poured out on me lately. so. much. It seems that every time I come into His Presence, whether it's in Worship, or Prayer, I literally have to sit down because His Spirit weighs so heavily on me. I absolutely cannot get away with taking God lightly anymore - I can't. I literally can't hold myself up when I come before Him anymore. and i get that, and i'm glad. and it's been....very sobering. He's showed me that Worship is not just running around, and making a fool of myself for His sake. Granted, that is a part of it - but it means nothing if I don't realize the seriousness of the God I'm singing about.

I've mentioned to a few people lately, but I rarely cry anymore. Originally I was so afraid I had become hard-hearted and emotionless - but God has definitely confirmed in my heart that's not the case. I just...can't get down and stay down on something. Jesus Christ offers too much Hope for me to stay down about something. I'm not saying crying is bad, and you won't cry when you're a Christian - that's just where I'm at in my walk right now I guess.
and I say all that to say - I've been on the verge of tears almost constantly for days now, probably a week or two even. And i heart feels so broken. I think The Lord is really starting to lay on my heart how serious He is, and how lightly I take it, and how heart-breaking that is. such a failure. How in the world can I expect to take what I've found to a dead and dying world, if I don't even comprehend the magnitude of what I've found?

‎"We younger evangelicals are often too flippant – playing marbles with the Diamonds of God."

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Here are my struggles right now:

-Having faith I made the right decision - that I responded to God's call and acted accordingly, within His Will.
-Honestly, just discerning how I feel - and knowing whether to or not to act on said feelings.
-Finding Joy in everything - being able to worship freely, and completely surrender to God.
-Be a man of my word - doing what I say I will do.
-Becoming more responsible - financially, with my body, with my diet.
-Not being insensitive
-Not being prideful
-Being vulnerable and open
-being bitter
-Wanting a girlfriend
-Having a better attitude at work
-Simply spending time with God.

Here's where I am.
Here's what I've overcome:

-Inability to abide under Spiritual authority
-Recognizing pride, and responding accordingly

Okay, 3 things doesn't look like much on paper - but they're huge to me.

Matthew 6:33

Monday, November 29, 2010

The Lord showed me a few things tonight.

I have it so good, I cannot complain ever. ever ever. If I say I'm anything but blessed, I'm a fool and a liar.

It is NOT a sin to have a savings account, but it is useless if you do not use it and steward it well. It is an insult to God to not give money to those who need it, if it will otherwise sit in your bank account.

We just don't get it. As Christians. We just don't get it.
God is so much bigger.

Last night, as Hayden got back from Chapel, and was getting out of his car, a woman was standing, bawling her eyes out in our driveway screaming "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME." Hayden was out of gas, so he and I took my car to take here wherever she needed to go. She told us her name was Sharon, and she needed to get to Nathan Hunt Drive, off of Kivett and Brentwood. She was...hysterical. It was very, very difficult to decipher her speech. We offered prayer, kind words, and the Love of Jesus to her as we drove her around. We got to Nathan Hunt, and she said she didn't know where to go, and just wanted a cigarette. We took her to McDonald's when she said she was starving and bought her a couple meals worth of food, and then took her and bought her a motel room at the Travel Inn Express, just down the street from our house. We were able to pray with her again, as well speak the Truth and Love of Jesus Christ into her life, and leave her with a Bible, some change, some gift cards to Subway and Food Lion, and a place to sleep for the night. Hayden picked her up this morning from Travel Inn, and dropped her off at her Uncle's off Nathan Hunt in High Point.

Praying that seeds planted will come to fruition by the Grace of God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Total Depravity?

I've been really, really toying with the idea of total depravity lately, and sin affects us, how sinful we really are, and how much it affects. I say toying because honestly, I just....don't know. I know what total depravity is, and all other kinds of doctrine up and down. but I've never seeked God's face on it, or looked in His Word about it.

Well, tonight at Chapel. God gave me an....intense revelation. I asked God just how much sin has affected me, and how I respond to it as a result. He gave me an image very similar to this one. I immediately grabbed some paper and wrote down what He was telling me about sin, and its effect on me - and this is what I came up with.

-That's our body after sin, charred literally beyond belief by sin - beyond recognition by worldly standards. I wrote down and circled "grotesquely burnt"
-God revealed that this was sin's affect on ME. He created me to look....nothing like this. but as soon as sin hit - I was beyond recognition. I was literally covered from birth. This image was a physical manifestation of the sin that was my flesh.
-God told me this is NOT AT ALL how He created His children to look, not in the least. To look as we will in Heaven is....not even close to what this image resembles.
-I realized that...the Blood of Christ, is literally the only thing that would make me recognizable again.

We are...covered in sin from birth. and once saved, covered in blood from Christ.